Before you go on with the reading,

She's making her own way. With Allah by her side.


If you don't mind, read this blog from the first post. But If you mind, don't basically judge if you don't know what happened before :)

dan kisah penulis yang panjang hikayatnya di sini : kaishrakirana.
Salam.


June 16, 2011

009. Between HIM and her.

Assalammualaikum.



This is not my diary.
I don't fancy sharing stuffs more detail and particular about me myself, here.
At least not for now.

If you think, that I am too transparent.
Then, it is up to you.

To be honest,
I am tired.
Indeed,
I am weak.

I need to find my strength back.
As the saying says, "Iman dan hati itu ada naik turunnya".
You may find, i can laugh and be happy,
but somehow all the thoughts that i have,
will always be in my mind and heart.

It is not i don't have trust on anyone.
It is just more than that.
I have to sort things out, time is running out.

I am engaged.
Engaged with my own death time.
Sooner or later, I might be gone.

What is my legacy?
Bad ones?
or the good ones?

*Only Allah knows.

To those people who considered themselves as close enough to me,
Please, I beg your help to pull out my small hands,
In case i might be falling again to the black hole.
I can't stand all these brutal and crucial moments alone.

Let Allah be there with me.
Let my friends and family be the way, Allah pats my shoulder to say,
"It's okay my dear. It's okay".


You see, when a person got tangled up in one thing,
They kinda be pretty messed up.
And i don't want to be distracted. I do have my own future plans.
Regarding my life and anyone else's.

Just.

Just,
I don't want me myself to fall again.
I have to set my own straight line.
Even, i might be hated for the rules that I want to observe.
Perhaps?


But somehow,
do pray for me.
It is not good to beg for a simple prayer, is it?
But please, I do need it by now.
Or until forever.


Weak.

I am.
You are as well.


Tentang Iman, tiada siapa boleh judge.
Kalau dia boleh judge iman orang lain dan bandingkan dengan imannya.
Orang itu, belum cukup beriman.
Maksud saya di sini, bila dia kata , "Iman saya lebih tinggi dari iman awak".

Kan salah itu?

*silent*


Gosh.
This is not my diary again, i want to highlight it.
It is just a place where i kinda fond to share the thoughts and how sweet Allah has been to me or anyone else.
And through my cheap words here, i find my own strength.
My own self-reminder as well.
But somehow, living in a life full of emotions and things in between,
I do have to set my firm aim and try to achieve my dreams,
one by one.

Ukhrawi or even Duniawi that leads to a better ending of Akhirah.
With the purpose of getting the pure bliss of Jannah. No other niah.
InsyaAllah.

*Put that at heart*


Sometimes, things that shouldn't be bugging my mind, come without a "hello"
Perhaps, they are all the greatest tests/gifts from Allah kan?
To see whether i can withstand the tribulations and etc etc.

Getting nikmah is also one way of Allah to test us.
Kan?


I almost forgot.


*pull my hands back*
*Tap my own shoulder*

*cry*






Please, understand.
Not only me.
But how crucial for me to stay put with my own beliefs.
and how important for me,
to search for the true love of HIM before a him,

Just, let it be in a good manner.
Please.

Tertib.

Adat dan agama shall not be put in the same par.
We have been taught, we must be like this and this, for the sake of Adat.
but in Agama,
moderation is what highly recommended.

Therefore, when i said i want to particularly observing everything what i am doing,
My heart really tears apart, when i can't do it fully.

I shall stop.
Please guys, just pray for me.
and every muslimah on earth.
because somehow, we need your prayers ...


"...Cukuplah Allah (menjadi penolong) bagi kami dan DIA sebaik-baik  pelindung" , Al-'Imran ; 173

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