Before you go on with the reading,

She's making her own way. With Allah by her side.

If you don't mind, read this blog from the first post. But If you mind, don't basically judge if you don't know what happened before :)

dan kisah penulis yang panjang hikayatnya di sini : kaishrakirana.

January 1, 2018

171222 Something Inside

Some of my points for my V-log.
Which I am posting it here first.

1. Checked my period wasn't stable for few months before. Scanned, empty rahim. its just hormone
masa baru tahu pregnant, esok nya naik KL naik bus. utk uruskan claim client. mmg mual but kuat2 kan
2. Keadaan 1st Trim - teruk, muntah2, panic attack few spotting, check ups, doctors asked to rest
3. Tak naik ofis - bersyukur dpt kerja in the best situation. But dont take it as wrong advantages. Tq bosses & buddies (dtg rumah, bawakkan food)
4. Tak boleh bau minyak. masak2. Muntah2. So thankful husband is all there. Tak boleh keluar rumah & drive sgt
5. Not yet to break the news. but Alhamdulillah already 13 weeks. grow beautifully, baby
6. Pengajaran thru out this journey ; sabar. I was in the midst nak kejar achievement for my work, than this Anugerah datang. So happy, but yet i was clueless. Hopefully I am superGreat  for the next few months to go!

March 31, 2017

170331 To be cherished later


Supposedly, I am now on a trip to Terengganu, but changed to Perak instead.
However, I am still in the midst of settling my own challenge,
The husband asked and begged me to stay in JB, and get myself done, here.

I met a couple,
who were so humble and I did managed to provide them my business. Out of nowhere, Rezeki Allah itu ada.

After sending off Husband to the bus station, visited Kak Ecam in KPJ Putri.
Adam was sick, and got admitted. I hope both of us manage to qualify.
Win or Win.

I am tired,
I am super exhausted.

But I am not yet to give up.

O' Allah, I will remember this day forever.
When I do success in the field I am in, please remind me of these days.

Sacrifices from everyone,
and I shall contribute back to them.

In Allah's will.

February 28, 2017

170228 Behind the Curtains.

Assalammualaikum wbt

It is the end of February, and it is almost 2 am. and I couldn't sleep yet.

This blog is still a favorite place of mine, Facebook is too clustered, Instagram too and Twitter is only only few sentences.

So, here it goes.

Of thoughts and hope.

Somehow, we could expect things to change, but sometimes it stays how it is. And we force ourselves to keep appreciating for what we have because they are many others who are begging to be in our place and to have what we have.

I have been bombarded by typical questions, and up till one extend I caught myself so pressured and tensed over the expectation of others on me. Sadly, sometimes I got no support or lack of it, to actually convince me it is Alright. Everything is Fine. I do get it sometimes, but yeah. It hurts.

At times, I got myself gloomy, and only myself know how I am battling against it. It is so true that, only Allah is with us. Only Allah listens, Only Allah sees, Only Allah knows what is in out hearts. Therefore, I beg Him to always give me strength and to look at everything that happens with Hikmah.

For now, my focus is directed to my work. I am filling up my time, planning my career, build up my stairs of achievement that I can somehow be satisfied for. I know, some of you would say it is for worldly matter, worldly pleasure. But excuse me, it is my life after all. Most probably, that is how Allah is setting up for me. So, it is my duty to pick myself up and go forward in whatever I do best.

Alhamdulillah, I am catching up with my business. I learned the pace, and I have fallen in love in doing so. Facing up rejections, hurt me sometimes. But I try not to be a kiddo anymore. No pain, no gain. I know I am aiming for something big, so I shall respect my dream, yah?!

Allah counts all my deeds, even if I feel, I am so lonely in this road. But yeah, I do have supports from my loved ones sometimes.

One thing for sure, I ask my Lord is to keep me sane and not make me forgetting Akhirah, because after all, that's the highest aim of life, kan?

"Some friends would say to me, keep on inspiring, Mkay, you've inspired me"

Honestly, I don't know celah mana I do inspire you. But I am so thankful of that thoughts. I may seems strong, but I do have my vulnerable part inside. Everyone has that. But it is up to us, to flaunt and make use what's best in us. Betul tak?

So, instead of asking me hurtful questions, or giving me harsh comments; could anyone of us please what progress I have made in life? Other than that part, because for God sake, you just don't know anything behind everything. But in case if you want to give any helping hand, to help us plan our lives, to provide any funding for our future, than you may say it.

After all, keep your words to yourself.

Am I being too emotional? haha

I hope I am not, because sincerely, I don't say this out to those in front of their face. I only speak it out to you, dear bloggy. Thanks for always be there, despite me ignoring you for years. >,<


January 31, 2017

170131 After Two years.

It has been a long time since the last update. Betul betul hibernation nih.


This space shall never be forgotten.
Since I was standard 5, I own a blog up till today. But life changes, things move forward and little that we know, the only time left is super limited.

I actually intended to update this blog yang berhabuk, earlier this year. However konon konon busy and penat, I prolonged it.

Just some quick recaps, For I shall remember when I am old.

August 2015, Got engaged with my bestfriend. Despite everything, we made it clear. Balik kampung tengah tengah exam English just for this E-day. A small ceremony with loved ones.

November 2015, Graduated from IIUM finally. Another Alhamdulillah! Convo with friends, family and a fiance. I didn't expect it to be that way, but Allah knows aite :)

January 2016, Joined PruBsn Takaful as part time Takaful Agent. At first I did it because nak cari side income for tabung kahwin. I did my istikharah only then I buat and started to do sale.

May 2016, Missed the Bangkok Trip due to last minute submission. Its okay tho, only to know hikmahnya the trip is a week after my wedding day.

June 2016, Resigned from Genius Aulad. A big decision so far, and putting much Tawakkul in Allah.

July 2016, to be exact 30th July 2016, changed my title from Miss to Mrs. Alhamdulillah, a ceremony full of love and support from family and friends. I couldn't repay their kindness with anything. It was pretty much awkward to have Azim as my husband as we often argued on things masa kawan kawan dulu. But yeah, I know why I chose him somehow. He is definitely an opposite of Maryam. He's my chill pill :)

August 2016, Bertandang in Parit Buntaq, Perak. I am so thankful to be in the family of Azim's. So much simplicity and love. I couldn't wish for more. I've always wanted a man with Kampung as my husband. Allah granted it well. Alhamdulillah, I enjoyed it and look forward for every Kampung trip up till today.

September 2016, Started to join Al-Isra JB Office, at first it was quite hard to start over, after so long I've lost the momentum. I cried a lot. Seriously, a lot. I took all my strength to do it, and challenge myself. The only reason for me to stay is, because of Amanah orang that I want to hold tight. O' Allah please give ease to me.

December 2016, I ended up my sales with 106,680 collection. I nearly hit my target for this year. However I was too exhausted. Perhaps, that's the rezeki for this year. I managed to pull thruu from 50k something yeah. Somehow, I achieved my husband's challenge and it's the most satisfying feeling I've ever had. The moment he said,  "Congratulations, Now you can be a Full Time Agent", really put me on relief and took away the heavy feeling off my shoulder. Alhamdulillah


2015-2016 was so far the best years for me. I don't know what Allah has put me up in 2017. I hope it is all good ones. Still planning for Juniors, but less people know, we have so many of our own planning. Therefore, we'd just say, "When the perfect time comes, Allah will never delay"

So, I chill.

and yeah, currently I go by the name of #mrymbertakaful.

Till then.

July 24, 2015

June 3, 2015

150603 Sacrifice.

Assalammualaikum wbt.

Bila dah hampir tiba ke penghujungnya, semua mulalah menapak dengan hidup masing-masing. Mencorak ke mana arah tuju yang nak digapai. And as for me, I still am not sure yet where I am  going/ My inner battle between myself masih belum senggang dari aku.  Probably sebab tuhan dah janji, selagi aku idup, selagi itulah aku akan diuji, akan diberi hati yang berbolak balik, diberi situasi yang berbagai ragam jenis.

Dan sejak akhir akhir ini, aku sering tertanya tentang "sacrifice-sacrifice" yang konon aku dah lakukan untuk diri sendiri. Which I thought would help me to lead better life. Pengorbanan adalah sepatutnya menjadi perkara rahsia antara aku dan tuhan. Antara aku dan orang orang yang tahu. Bukan?

Dan paling banyak, adalah melawan hal hal sendiri yang cuba menggugah jiwa.

Semoga, ada cahaya dihujung jalan. dan semoga aku dikurniakan sabar tanpa henti.

dan aku sangat rindu pengisian pengisian daurah or any spiritual talk. Mungkin sebab aku dah lama menjauh dari hal hal sebegitu dek kerana menyiapkan hal hal pembelajaran lah katanya.

Aku rindu, dan sekarang aku diuji dengan pengisian daurah
"Semangat Pemuda"... Sedih lah, bila dah mula rasa diri macam dah tua. Padahal semangat pemuda tu bukan pada umurnya, its in the spirit. You can be 40 but you are still youth at heart and work strong for people. I miss giving contribution to others, I hate this kind of life where fulfilling my own achievement is the solely goal for a time of period. Being stagnant and nothing ever excites me like before.

Oh baiklah, saya belajar untuk Ummah. Baru betul niat nya kan. So wait for my comeback, Kay people!


btw light reading : Hidup ini perlunya cinta; Dr Maza.

April 27, 2015

150427 Masa untuk kedua orang tua.

Sepertinya  mahu dihentikan semesta,
agar aku mampu berkhidmat berjasa pada kedua orang tua.

Walau sebanyak mana aku menghampa mereka,
di bibir mereka terukir tetap senyum yang menhilang segala duka dan hiba.

Walau sebanyak mana aku mahu berhenti berusaha.
di bibir mereka sentiasa bersuara kata semangat percuma yang menguat hati dan deria rasa.

Lord, could you just please give me more time?

April 24, 2015

150424 Road to final.

Aku rindu menaip dalam gelap begini.
Rasa bagai aku berbicara sendiri sewaktu dunia lain sedang nyenyak dalam mimpi yang sepi.

Beberapa minggu lagi semester ini akan berakhir,
dan kemudiannya ada lagi satu semester pendek berbaki dua bulan cuma. Ensyaallah.
Cepat betul masa berlalu.
Lima tahun di sini, segala macam pengalaman dan didikan diri aku telan terima, hadam dan kumuhkan...

Ada yang baik, aku mahu ingat sentiasa,
dan yang kurang baik, aku selalu jadikan sebagai pagar awas supaya aku jaga jaga.
Dan kadang, aku selalu ingatkan diri, agar jangan terlalu tinggi sangat pagar awas itu,

kadang pagar itu berantai, menggari kaki dari terbang tinggi,
dan bermimpi indah
mengorak langkah jauh lagi.

Adakah ini simptom penuaan?
Seperti mula menerima apa adanya,
Seperti mula melihat kenangan lama hanyalah seperti helaian muka surat lalu masa lampau,
dan tak lebih dari itu.


As I get older, I realized its time to detach in order to attach.
If only you could understand.

Sudah sudah lah dengan dunia yang bergemerlapan,
dan orang orang yang menyeksakan.
Sudah sudah lah dengan terlalu ingin mengejar harta yang tak akan di bawa mati.
dan cinta yang memperbaiki diri.

Jujur aku katakan aku rindu pada jiwa dan semangat aku yang dulu,
tak pernah takut nak mencuba sesuatu,
even if it means to hurt my feeling, and to bruise my skin.
I don't know why it feels like something is holding me back,
not letting me to soar up high, exploring world and meeting new ones with no fear.

Mungkin, kerana kini aku dah kenal sisi sisi tanggungjawab.
Menjadi dewasa,
Menjadi wanita,
Mahu membalas jasa ibu bapa
dan meneruskan cinta kemudian berumah tangga.



" A true love, will bring the best out of you"

dan kenapa kau takut untuk menjadi yang terbaik walau ianya hanya adalah untukmu?


dan kerana itu lah, dengan sisa berbaki selama beberapa hari ini,
aku gigihkan untuk menjadi seperti Maryam sewaktu zaman sekolah dulu,

budak nerd dan tekun.

ah, aku rindu.

but I do get over-stressed out sometimes,
alhamdulillah , tuhan masih ada.
manusia yang kasih juga masih ada.




p/s : memang kalau lampu malap, mood menulis bercerita ni memang lebih sikit ke? 

April 9, 2015

150409 Meninggal.

"Kenapa kau menangis ni?"

"Oh ada kawan aku meninggal"


Sebenarnya dia hanya berselindung, tangis nya itu adalah kerana dia tahu yang dirinya sudah mati.
Jiwa dan cinta sudah lenyap. Kasih sayang hanyalah pemanis kata, bukan sesuatu yang ikhlas diberi rasa. Dan, dia sudah parah untuk sekian lamanya, maka hari itu ; jiwanya mati. Fatal injury and lead to sudden death.!

April 1, 2015

150401 Kedua Puluh Empat

Salam tahniah dan takziah, buat peningkatan umur sendiri.
Nak nak, bila ulang tahun kelahiran di samakan dengan kenaikan kos sara hidup di negara sendiri.

Moga Tuhan beri jalan, untuk kita hidup dalam keadaaan aman.

Aku tak minta banyak,
sekadar ingatan untuk diri, selain ucapa ucapan dan harapan harapan cliche yang lain.

1. Mampu diberikan sabar yang cantik dan tinggi.
2. Mampu diberi rasa dalam berkeputusan dengan baik
3. Paling terutama berusaha perbaiki hubungan denganNya supaya harapnya hubungan dengan manusia lain, lebih baik dan bahagia.


Nah, aku tak minta banyak bukan?

Of course lah, nak mati dalam iman and another else are in the list, tapi ini adalah tiga yang utama aku nampak, yang aku mahu setelah di analisa pada diri sendiri.


Aku bukanlah mahu sangat disambut "lavishly",
tapi dah sifat aku periang sesama sahabat, saja menggatal gatal teruja mengingatkan itu ini.
Maaf lah, kalau ada yang jengkel.

Satu hari nanti, andai aku mati,
aku mahu kalian tahu.
Terlalunya sayang aku pada kalian semua, dan bila suara dan sibuknya aku mengacau sini sana sudah tiada;
semoga kalian ingat bahawa aku pernah singgah dalam hidup kalian dengan bising, senyum riang tawa seorang aku.
dan pada saat itu, aku hanya mahu,

kiriman doa, ikhlas dari kalian.

Itu sahaja.