031. To look again, after a year.

Assalammualaikum,

Kerana asyik sangat bersendiri di rumah, saya tidak sedar minggu depan sudah pun HARI RAYA. Mood mengemas rumah secara menyeluruh belum sampai. Mana taknya, pagi-pagi balik naik atas, duduk bilik bersendiri lama-lama. Lepas Zuhur baru tengok dunia kembali. Lepas Asar, masuk dapur pulak. Malam pula tak boleh nak kacau, saya dah simpan masa ini untuk bersendiri. Mencari ilham, kononnya.

Ruang lingkup saya seberapa minggu ini hanyalah di kawasan ini sahaja. Dan alhamdulillah I'm very much content with everything I have for the time being. But to realize that the time is moving so fast, really made my guts scrunching. Haiks. Its because, macam tak percaya akan masuk Gombak in 2 weeks time. Okay gahhh!

Adakah cuti kali ini bermakna?
*soalan tepuk dahi sendiri
-.-"

Dan paling membuatkan masa berjalan laju adalah apabila, Aishah and Umar are at home. Yikes. Rasa macam baru semalam bersahur pada hari pertama beberapa minggu lepas. When we stop to count the days, it would be terribly like a flash-light (LAJU). But if we do count the days, mak aih rasa lama pulak nak sampai kan?

*Amazed with the kurniaan of masa that Allah give. Nights and days.

Hari ini majlis khatam Quran di masjid, lepas Asar. But I didn't manage to attend. Hmmmph maaf makcik makcik. Since, lepas Asar I was so kelam kabut to prepare my super spicy Laksa Johor. So, tak pelah, siapa yang dapat cenderahati on my behalf tu, rezeki awak :)

The first night I joined the group of these amazing beautiful ladies at hearts, I started to reminisce one of my moments in life, which happened almost a year ago. Yeah, almost a year ago. See, did I mentioned for gazillionth time that TIME IS MOVING IN SUCH A WAY THAT I PUN TAK TAHU NAK DESCRIBE BAGAIMANA :)

Pengalaman setahun yang lalu, yang saya kira kini saya sangat-sangat menghayati hikmahnya. Such a slap on my face, but somehow now I can breath easily :) Alhamdulillah.

Almost a year ago, after I ended our Taaruf week to start our session in Gombak, I had to go for Tilawah Test. Yeah, Its not only for me, but for everyone who is going to enter the first year of undergraduatelah.

My turn was at the early morning, and I was alone. Kawan-kawan lain, ujian pada masa lain. And up until now, I don't know why did ever chose to wear that see-thru baju kurung moden which I wore with a lining inside and the dark brown corduroy jeans and my love-love dark brown shawl (which was kinda, singkat) And yeah, with such an innocent face I made my way to the exam venue.

Burung-burung bagaikan menyanyi bersama-sama (Kononnya).

The day before, I recited Quran to do some revisions on my reading and some tajwid here and there. Just to be prepared for the test.

And when I went to the venue, Yeah I am feeling kinda awkward. As I can see those gazes that people gave on me. Haha. It is not the gaze that you would be proud for, I may say. But I don't know, why I am so "bolayan" with all those looks that people gave. I entered the hall.

There were tables with Ustaz and Ustazah on the other side of the table. Waiting for their "students" to come and recite the Quran and be tested. My line was empty so did the Ustaz's chair. No one.

But I can see, the Ustaz next from my Ustaz's table was looking at me with such a very killing look. Pandangan tajam macam nak pengsan. But seriously, I don't know what had made me being so ignorant that day. Haha and that was pretty funny. Whenever the eyes met, I tried to look away.

So after the student from the next Ustaz finished the test, the Ustaz called me with his hand gesture. Asking me to come to his table. So I did.

I recited everything.

And I thought everything went pretty smoothly. I felt ease.

And the result from him ; "Awak okay, tapi jaga panjang pendek lebih lagi."

"Thanks Ustaz".

and it felt like a big burden has been taken of from my shoulder, but then, he continued ;

"Tapi, wear proper attire"

and I went numb.

Yeah he sounded almost like that-lah. I can't remember what was his exact words. But he did said something to do with the attire. And right at that moment, I felt like I want to go jump out of the room right away.

Seriously.

It is not funny kan?
Hahaha.

But now, I can laugh to it.

For a year, I kept on thinking of that moment ; you see, when you think your reading is good but somehow you didn't get the satisfactory result, you will always be questioning yourself over and over again. And I always argue with myself that "saya ni bukannya buta al-quran" and indeed i think I should be placed in better place.

And again, I blamed the innocent dark brown kurung that I wore and also blamed my instincts. I thought the chirping birds on that day are a good sign. But na'ah. I was wrong. Haha.

"I should take the black jubah" this phrase was always in my head for some time. Black Jubah is always the best hiding option for me at that time.

But now, Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah sangat-sangat sangat-sangat,
I did chose to wear the corduroy (which idk where did I put it now), I did chose to put on my short-shawl as well as the kurung moden.

After all, semua yang datang, ada hikmahnya.

Kalaulah saya tidak went thru this kind of moments, saya tak rasa saya akan eager untuk memperbaiki bacaan saya dan mempersoalkan kelemahan diri sendiri.

Kalaulah saya tidak went thru this kind of moments, saya tak rasa saya akan be more observant on my attires that much.

Kalaulah saya tidak went thru this kind of moments, mesti saya sentiasa ingat saya dah cukup bagus kan?

So yeah, I take this as a whole lot iktibar for me. And I'm writing this down, so that any one of you would never be like me. Be more observant okay? And, just always improve your reading on Al-Quran. Trust me, once you start to read and learn it by heart, you just can't stop to fall for the words. For there are words of love and reminder as well :)

Alhamdulillah.

Kadang-kadang, sesuatu itu harus dilihat dalam pelbagai perspektif. Dan mungkin, sekarang kita hanya mampu melihat dari satu pandangan, but never mind, selagi mana awak ada usaha untuk memperbanyakkan tahap pandangan tersebut, you will always can see things beautiful in millions other ways.


Manisnya sesuatu itu bukan untuk dirasai hanya dipermulaan, tetapi mungkin, di penghujungnya. Maka, bersabarlah. Hikmah Allah itu rahsia yang tersangat mistik :)


Dah-dah, jangan perli saya ye tentang kisah ini. Sebab, ini hanyalah sebuah kisah picisan seorang budak perempuan nak menapak bertatih macam budak baru lahir. Kalau salah, tolong tunjukkan yang mana benarnya.

As I am truly a keeper, for every moments in my life , I'll start to reminisce and do my own self-reflections, while I am being diam (being silent). 

p/s : bapak awal-awal dah pesan, sahur ni masak lebih sikit, Umar dah kuat makan -.-" Yikes. 

Anak-anak paman mamat and bik seha dah selamat berada di rumah.

I wish to turn back time into the picture above.

101097 (Aishah's 4th birthday)

Salamalaykum.